omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
