Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize