Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
