I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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