that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
