just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
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Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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