Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
