Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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