someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
