those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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