I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
