i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
