Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
