She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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