Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
