i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
