its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
