woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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