the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
