so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Come on in and take your pants off
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