So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
