oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
