some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
