I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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