i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
