Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
