yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
