Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
