I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
