guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
