Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
