i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
