Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
