I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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