On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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