I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
