Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
