A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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