three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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