Soap is not a condiment
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
