I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
