ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
