i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
