You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
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Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best