maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.