Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?

  (949): View more from California

  Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn? (949): Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER. http://tfl.nu/x4x0
  Replies (29) Good night (1072) Bad night (3885)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon" http://tfl.nu/oypv
  Replies (7) Good night (3971) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much. http://tfl.nu/n8ik
  Replies (7) Good night (1838) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand. http://tfl.nu/9yan
  Replies (10) Good night (977) Bad night (3301)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon. http://tfl.nu/dn2m
  Replies (15) Good night (1378) Bad night (1707)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it? http://tfl.nu/l4jt
  Replies (13) Good night (2408) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home. http://tfl.nu/w49b
  Replies (2) Good night (1360) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up... (978): Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis? http://tfl.nu/mb06
  Replies (12) Good night (1604) Bad night (3540)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk. http://tfl.nu/ok5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1200) Bad night (2241)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon! http://tfl.nu/zzxk
  Replies (7) Good night (1246) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.

  (936): View more from Texas

  You are the coolest girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us. (936): You are the coolest girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/hjex
  Replies (4) Good night (1636) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom. http://tfl.nu/0o4x
  Replies (1) Good night (295) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off. http://tfl.nu/1s94
  Replies (3) Good night (522) Bad night (233)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it. http://tfl.nu/0fd3
  Replies (0) Good night (634) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life. http://tfl.nu/oikb
  Replies (0) Good night (424) Bad night (168)

Randomize