Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(219): View more from Indiana

Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

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(219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d

Replies (36) Good night (22035) Bad night (3416)
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(760): View more from California

There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.

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(760): There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours. http://tfl.nu/m1ds

Replies (34) Good night (3866) Bad night (590)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?

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(803): you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money? http://tfl.nu/t6x6

Replies (18) Good night (5949) Bad night (804)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.

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(402): I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had. http://tfl.nu/opb7

Replies (54) Good night (10098) Bad night (934)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut

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(507): there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut http://tfl.nu/7k06

Replies (40) Good night (5909) Bad night (1054)
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(714): View more from California

walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

(714): View more from California

he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

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(714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot

Replies (44) Good night (5052) Bad night (8761)
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(917): View more from New York City

Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.

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(917): Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste. http://tfl.nu/mscz

Replies (9) Good night (3607) Bad night (1823)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.

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(+44): There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside. http://tfl.nu/nyqa

Replies (2) Good night (1910) Bad night (910)
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(707): View more from California

come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.

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(707): come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/6h34

Replies (17) Good night (2183) Bad night (2639)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway

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(402): God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway http://tfl.nu/7nqq

Replies (12) Good night (710) Bad night (1056)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.

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(952): Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost. http://tfl.nu/9cwp

Replies (3) Good night (923) Bad night (1186)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.

(859): View more from Kentucky

The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.

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(859): He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it. (859): The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders. http://tfl.nu/g672

Replies (4) Good night (741) Bad night (1290)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.

(410): View more from Maryland

Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.

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(443): Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week. (410): Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you. http://tfl.nu/4f2r

Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (345)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails

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(336): ...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails http://tfl.nu/48c8

Replies (1) Good night (236) Bad night (584)
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(305): View more from Florida

Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?

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(305): Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it? http://tfl.nu/7lec

Replies (2) Good night (415) Bad night (390)

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