I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?