Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me

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(214): View more from Texas

Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.

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(818): View more from California

We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.

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(503): View more from Oregon

So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(516): View more from New York

my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick

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(810): View more from Michigan

You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.

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(503): View more from Oregon

The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?

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