Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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  (314): So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs. http://tfl.nu/hgyg
  Replies (14) Good night (5296) Bad night (1185)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

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  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (31) Good night (12182) Bad night (1404)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

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  (703): the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up. http://tfl.nu/glqa
  Replies (23) Good night (4520) Bad night (1427)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.

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  (810): I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio. http://tfl.nu/bxp9
  Replies (10) Good night (986) Bad night (3007)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  the head trauma was worth the blowjob.

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  (602): the head trauma was worth the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/e9mc
  Replies (12) Good night (2300) Bad night (901)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What time did you start drinking?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe isn't a time...

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  (617): What time did you start drinking? (978): Maybe. (617): Maybe isn't a time... http://tfl.nu/r4p5
  Replies (14) Good night (6188) Bad night (933)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.

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  (773): You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday. http://tfl.nu/8aa9
  Replies (4) Good night (1602) Bad night (533)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer

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  (513): He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer http://tfl.nu/5hwv
  Replies (2) Good night (831) Bad night (483)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.

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  (713): My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them. http://tfl.nu/xfe6
  Replies (2) Good night (805) Bad night (359)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.

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  (937): The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you. http://tfl.nu/7sfe
  Replies (3) Good night (653) Bad night (432)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.

  (817): View more from Texas

  So yeah he had good weed?

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  (817): I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft. (817): So yeah he had good weed? http://tfl.nu/m1w9
  Replies (4) Good night (847) Bad night (488)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.

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  (801): You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it. http://tfl.nu/4jnb
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (286)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday

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  (701): You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday http://tfl.nu/l516
  Replies (0) Good night (556) Bad night (225)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm gonna eat you out. But for science

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  (423): I'm gonna eat you out. But for science http://tfl.nu/34e6
  Replies (2) Good night (990) Bad night (288)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter

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  (509): Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter http://tfl.nu/j2tp
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (167)

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