At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.