I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.