erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you would pick up someone in the library
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?