i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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