Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.

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  (732): Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab. http://tfl.nu/smzr
  Replies (7) Good night (1962) Bad night (757)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"

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  (904): When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit" http://tfl.nu/bodh
  Replies (71) Good night (16596) Bad night (1049)
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  (818): View more from California

  I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.

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  (818): I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/1x7g
  Replies (28) Good night (6289) Bad night (726)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral

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  (506): so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral http://tfl.nu/0vqu
  Replies (16) Good night (5967) Bad night (930)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands

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  (520): my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands http://tfl.nu/9efg
  Replies (14) Good night (4544) Bad night (1397)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck now we have to have sex

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  What?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In a bet, need to win

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  (203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn
  Replies (20) Good night (5461) Bad night (1165)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.

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  (314): Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me. http://tfl.nu/jiov
  Replies (11) Good night (765) Bad night (3026)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.

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  (928): Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night. http://tfl.nu/fjny
  Replies (10) Good night (1100) Bad night (2875)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.

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  (786): HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM. http://tfl.nu/yhvq
  Replies (30) Good night (7077) Bad night (902)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...

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  (646): I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies... http://tfl.nu/y6hf
  Replies (8) Good night (1877) Bad night (608)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.

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  (317): He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. http://tfl.nu/b8h5
  Replies (27) Good night (887) Bad night (6735)
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  (530): View more from California

  On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.

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  (530): On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite. http://tfl.nu/tnfr
  Replies (9) Good night (3999) Bad night (659)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf

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  (206): Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf http://tfl.nu/6f6i
  Replies (4) Good night (1172) Bad night (448)
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  (530): View more from California

  im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.

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  (530): im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either. http://tfl.nu/lxlu
  Replies (5) Good night (505) Bad night (276)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  .,.,you might have to leave

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  (412): Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding. (1-412): .,.,you might have to leave http://tfl.nu/thv0
  Replies (2) Good night (411) Bad night (694)

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