Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
