you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Good thing I've started drinking again