atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
