yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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