I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
