At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
