you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
