3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
