I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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