Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
