Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
