My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
