wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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