I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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