the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
