I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
God, I missed his penis.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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