so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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