oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
