Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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