I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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