I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
