with your own penis?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
