Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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