dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
