what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
