Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
