just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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