I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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