i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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