I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
