I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
