i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
