Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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