when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
