Christians are straight up FREAKS
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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