It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
