Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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